I started studying again after coming back from Dharamshala. I was excited because this time the next stage will be facing interview board. These interviews are not ordinary interviews and perhaps that is why they call them Personality tests rather than interviews. The questions there can come from any where in the world.
Meanwhile before the call for interview I cleared one state level examination, which was stayed by High Court of the State for few people filed the writ on the basis that the exam had many wrong answers in it, to which even i agree because even though I was above the cut-off mark my score was not upto my expectation.
I was very happy because some success was coming. There was a very minute apprehension that I just might not be able to clear the Mains written exam stage. So I started studying again for the next mains exam. Then i studied for the next prelim exam again because I was not sure if would clear interview or not.
I waited for the result. 15th Feb was the result date announced by most of people and I was sure that the result would come but alas it didn't and the kind of noise that one hears in a stadium when the forward player just misses the goal by a snick of the goalkeeper was all around my ears.
Then the wait for the result was leading to desperation. It was final that the result would come on 22nd feb 2013. No studies since morning. Desperation at its peak. I played Lara Croft on my laptop for 15 minutes. Went to pee every half an hour. I was extremely excited for the result to come. I was ready to go to UPSC office to give interview. I was already thinking of how will I speak there, and how will I dress up and brushing up myself with new current affairs around the world whether it be the Spring in the Arab world or the Syrian crisis or the brutal rape in the capital of India and endless other topics.
Times ticks ahead, result does not come. 6 o clock i quit checking the result. I was in a way happy, because the number 4 has not been lucky for me so far and date 22 (2+2=4) was leading to that number only. But as the luck would have it at 7:03 PM (approximate time) the result is announced. My phone rings up that may be result is out.
I am trembling now. My fingers are unable to type. Sweat over forehead. My heart is pumping very hard. I open the site and search with Control+F my roll number. That sound of ting is very loud through the speakers. This sound tears away every cell in the body. This sound comes when search option is not able to find anything and in this case my roll number in the list of successful candidates.
I am broken badly for few seconds. I scream on a friend to stop asking me to check the result again as i myself did that atleast 5 times.
Calls started dropping in. Dad comes and hugs me. Even he has got tears, which does not happen normally. Mom is very sad. I gather courage and talk to them. We talk about Lord Rama(God in Hindu religion), Rani Jhansi(Freedom Fighter), Mahtama Gandhi(Father of nation of India), Abraham Lincoln(Ex-President of US), Atal Beehari Vajpayee(One of PM's of India), Abhinav Bindra(An Indian Olympic gold medalist) - that how they all suffered much more and thus reached the greatest of heights - they all are more successful than me - they all belonged to ages younger and older than me.
I called up few of my teachers, and they all expressed sorrowfulness on me not clearing the exam, because they all thought that I was a good student. They all asked me to continue studying harder, because they still believed that I have it in me to make it through the exams.
I might have failed in eyes of few, but I learnt one lesson from history that greater the pain the sweeter the success. I am thankful to God to give me one more chance to dive into the ocean of knowledge. I consider myself lucky enough to have gone through this pain because the more it pains the more jubilate I will come out. The ones who got selected call them self the lucky ones, I don't argue if they are or they are not, but surely I am the luckiest one.
I want to tell all naysayers to stay away. Don't tell me to quit, because if you do I am not going to listen to you. I am ready to fight the final round. Its a knock-out round now. This time nothing can stop. I will give away everything I have to succeed this time.
One of my well wishers mailed me this link and it does make sense to me. The speaker is Les Brown.
Meanwhile before the call for interview I cleared one state level examination, which was stayed by High Court of the State for few people filed the writ on the basis that the exam had many wrong answers in it, to which even i agree because even though I was above the cut-off mark my score was not upto my expectation.
I was very happy because some success was coming. There was a very minute apprehension that I just might not be able to clear the Mains written exam stage. So I started studying again for the next mains exam. Then i studied for the next prelim exam again because I was not sure if would clear interview or not.
I waited for the result. 15th Feb was the result date announced by most of people and I was sure that the result would come but alas it didn't and the kind of noise that one hears in a stadium when the forward player just misses the goal by a snick of the goalkeeper was all around my ears.
Then the wait for the result was leading to desperation. It was final that the result would come on 22nd feb 2013. No studies since morning. Desperation at its peak. I played Lara Croft on my laptop for 15 minutes. Went to pee every half an hour. I was extremely excited for the result to come. I was ready to go to UPSC office to give interview. I was already thinking of how will I speak there, and how will I dress up and brushing up myself with new current affairs around the world whether it be the Spring in the Arab world or the Syrian crisis or the brutal rape in the capital of India and endless other topics.
Times ticks ahead, result does not come. 6 o clock i quit checking the result. I was in a way happy, because the number 4 has not been lucky for me so far and date 22 (2+2=4) was leading to that number only. But as the luck would have it at 7:03 PM (approximate time) the result is announced. My phone rings up that may be result is out.
I am trembling now. My fingers are unable to type. Sweat over forehead. My heart is pumping very hard. I open the site and search with Control+F my roll number. That sound of ting is very loud through the speakers. This sound tears away every cell in the body. This sound comes when search option is not able to find anything and in this case my roll number in the list of successful candidates.
I am broken badly for few seconds. I scream on a friend to stop asking me to check the result again as i myself did that atleast 5 times.
Calls started dropping in. Dad comes and hugs me. Even he has got tears, which does not happen normally. Mom is very sad. I gather courage and talk to them. We talk about Lord Rama(God in Hindu religion), Rani Jhansi(Freedom Fighter), Mahtama Gandhi(Father of nation of India), Abraham Lincoln(Ex-President of US), Atal Beehari Vajpayee(One of PM's of India), Abhinav Bindra(An Indian Olympic gold medalist) - that how they all suffered much more and thus reached the greatest of heights - they all are more successful than me - they all belonged to ages younger and older than me.
I called up few of my teachers, and they all expressed sorrowfulness on me not clearing the exam, because they all thought that I was a good student. They all asked me to continue studying harder, because they still believed that I have it in me to make it through the exams.
I might have failed in eyes of few, but I learnt one lesson from history that greater the pain the sweeter the success. I am thankful to God to give me one more chance to dive into the ocean of knowledge. I consider myself lucky enough to have gone through this pain because the more it pains the more jubilate I will come out. The ones who got selected call them self the lucky ones, I don't argue if they are or they are not, but surely I am the luckiest one.
I want to tell all naysayers to stay away. Don't tell me to quit, because if you do I am not going to listen to you. I am ready to fight the final round. Its a knock-out round now. This time nothing can stop. I will give away everything I have to succeed this time.
One of my well wishers mailed me this link and it does make sense to me. The speaker is Les Brown.
7 comments:
Please do leave the comments. I will be keen on writing more.
i am also sailing in the same boat... cant agree more... exactly same feelings... lets do it this time..
Absolutely! Lets make it happen. Would be glad if I can be of some help.
Dear Gaurav,
You and I aren't very different in temperament towards life or for that matter this exam. I felt exactly the same way you did before the results were out, except, I didn't play Lara Croft (:)). I like your attitude and guess something pulled me to read this blog of yours. I will be in Gr. Noida after prelims this year. Hopefully, we can catch up in the lanes of Old Rajendra Nagar while we write the mock mains papers.
My best wishes for your endevors. I hope we can fulfil what we have set out to achieve.
Regards,
Abhimanyu Dhakal (I have excused myself from FB and Orkut from now, you won't find me there.)
Mail: abhi.aiesec@gmail.com
U r truly a winner !! Ur spirits r high and u fight with passion. Ur direction is clear. U hv a vision. This was a phase. It had to come. It will pass..
As Diamond is a precious stone, it undergoes several processes to attain shine, likewise, U ll b a shining star.
Fight on. Its NOT OVER UNTIL U WIN !!
Dear Abhimanyu Dhakal,
Thank you for reading the blog. I am glad that you liked it. Surely we will meet each other but not in streets of Old Rajendra Nagar, rather at LBSNAA.
Thank you for the wishes. I hope we both manage to make some difference to this planet.
Thank You Aditi for the motivating words. True that Its not over until I win.
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